it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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