My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
