so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
