I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
