so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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