I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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