Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
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I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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