you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
