Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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