I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
