but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I just shit out all my problems.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
