It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
