Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
