cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
