i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
