You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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