Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
