So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
