I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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