According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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