All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
