I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
