If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
