U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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