so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
