Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
