we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
