The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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