I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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