Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
