my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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