Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
