Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just puked most of my soul out..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
