my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
