Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
