Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
