Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually