I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"