No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"