I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night