it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.