I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, beer. Big fan.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon