I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
