Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
