The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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