i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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