Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
