I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
