i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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