Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
