Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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