She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
