why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
