Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize