I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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