So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.