There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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