cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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