If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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