Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
