Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
