I wish I could punch you in the face.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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