He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
