between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
