waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
