Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
