try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
