I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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