Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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