I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
