but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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