My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
