four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
