Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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