I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
