Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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