VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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