its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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