She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
