She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
