Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
