Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
