He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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