Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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