My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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