Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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