You can't special order awesome
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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