i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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