Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
