Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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