I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
