im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
